Two Scoops. Get Huge.

This speech was amazing, spine-tingling. I have goosebumps right now. Reminds of Al Pacino’s speech from Any Given Sunday, charisma, motivation, and inspiration in every sense of the words. I want to put quotes from this speech up on my bedroom wall, in my gym locker, under my eyelids. After watching this, I want to train all fucking day, and blog all fucking night - until I can’t breathe.

Too bad the world invented women, booze, drugs, and the internet.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

You are fuckin’ right creatine makes you smarter. I’ve been saying it for as long as I can remember, meatheads aren’t stupid. Here is your proof. Hell, I am going to go “get smart” right now. And by “get smart” I mean “take creatine,” and by “take creatine” I mean “take creatine and go study,” and by “take creatine and go study” I mean “take creatine and go to the gym to absolutely massacre my pectorals”.

I feel smarter already.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

I was interneting earlier this week, making my usual rounds on the bodybuilding forums, when I came across a post on lightweight-mother’s blog that said, “I just had the nastiest pre-workout shake ever!" But the motherfucker didn’t say what was in it. So I asked him. Here is his response:

Reply from lightweight-motherfucker:

Dude, I am going to have to go for 10 years of psychotherapy to get the taste out of my mind!!! okay so here it is:

12oz of water, 1 cup of strawberries, 1 scoop of cytosport chocolate whey, 4g citrulline malate (you know that taste in your mouth when you have a mini liquid puke? well this is what this shit tastes like), 2g kre-alkalyn, 4g beta-alanine, 2g ASHWAGANDHA (the cause of the nasty, horrific taste, seriously if Jabba the Hut had a flavor he would taste like this) 5g Vanilla flavored Glutamine, 5g leucine, 2g cinnamon, 35g Dextrose (not a good chaser at all)

After mixing and blending this alchemical elixir the total volume of the shake came out to about 20+ oz. I gulped it down like I would shots of bacardi 151. After the three huge gulps my eyes were watering and the puke was rising but I held it in, chased it with a bit of water. Then headed to the gym and seriously had one the best chest workouts ever. Moral of the story: Tastes bad but does GOOD. I want to buy some horse capsules and just stuff in the 30g of powder. TIME TO RESEARCH!

Take care buddy, your blog is truly awesome btw.

Holy ballsack that sounds nasty. In case any of you are wondering,ASHWAGANDHA is Indian Ginseng. ASHWAGANDHA in Sanskrit means, “horse’s smell.”This comes from the odor that the plants root gives off, that resembles the smell of a sweaty horse. I have never experienced this personally, but somebody on Wikipedia has, and that is good enough for me. The fact that Lightweight put 2g’s of horse sweat in his shake is simply fascinating. Barbaric even.

Lightweight, I have to say, feeling the onset of nausea 3 sips in, then powering through the final 16 oz. of your shake… It makes me feel - I… I… I am just so GOD DAMNED PROUD OF YOU. Supplements aren’t pleasure, they are pain. If it tastes good, it probably doesn’t work as well. Jack LaLanne, the World’s Fitness Pioneer, followed this simple nutrition tip: “If it tastes good, spit it out.” There is a reason steroids are injected - because they taste like shit.

Bottom line:

“If you want to put up weight, you got to chug that shake.”
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

P.S. Lightweight, if you ever end up making that horse pill, let me know. We’ll take it and get huge together.

If you are taking two scoops, you NEED this Bench Press Bed. Just think, after a night of clubbing, you wake up with some skank-a-potomuss getting her mascara all over your sheets. She rolls over and says “whats for breakfast?”
Now you can reply with, “what’s your max bench?”

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

In the offseason, 4-time Mr. Olympia winner Jay Cutler eats over 7,000 Calories, and roughly 575 grams of protein - a day. He has 22” arms. And he has a new DVD out: Jay Cutler - The Ultimate Beef: A Massive Life in Bodybuilding, the title of which is simply too awesome to comment on.

Here is the breakdown:
(from FLEX Magazine - Sept. 2009 - Article: Eat Like A Pro)

8 AM: MEAL 1
2 whole eggs and 15 egg whites
3 slices of turkey bacon
1 1/4 cup Ezekiel cereal with 2 Splenda packets and 4 oz water
160-carb blueberry bagel with 1 tbsp cream cheese
6 oz orange juice
TOTALS: 1,464 calories, 118 g protein, 181 g carbs, 34 g fat

8:15 AM: MIDBREAKFAST
Multivitamin/multimineral 1 serving
Co[Q.sub.10] 100 mg
Vitamin B complex 1 serving
Vitamin C 1,000 mg
Evening primrose oil 1,000 mg
Niacin 500 mg
Digestive enzyme 1 serving
Yohimbine 5 mg

9:55 AM: PRE-WORKOUT
Preworkout/NO-boosting supplement 1 serving
Amino acids/creatine/carb supplement 1 serving

10 AM: WORKOUT 1

11:45 AM: POSTWORKOUT SUPPLEMENTS
Whey/casein protein powder 40 g
Dextrose 100 g
Creatine 15 g
Essential amino acids/carb mix 2 servings

1 PM: MEAL 2
10 oz lean (95%) ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onions Garlic & herb seasoning to taste
2 cups brown rice
1 tbsp soy sauce
TOTALS: 859 calories, 73 g protein, 100 g carbs, 14 g fat

4 PM: MEAL 3
10 oz ground chicken
5 oz pasta
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, shredded
1 cup tomato sauce
TOTALS: 1,153 calories, 85 g protein, 122 g carbs, 37 g fat

6:30 PM: MEAL 4
10 oz steak
1/2 cup chopped onions
1/2 cup chopped peppers
Garlic, to taste
2 cups brown rice
TOTALS: 843 calories, 72 g protein, 102 g carbs, 14 g fat
8 PM: WORKOUT 2

9 PM: POSTWORKOUT SUPPLEMENTS
Essential amino acids/carb mix 2 servings

9:15 PM: MEAL 5
15 egg whites
1 1/4 cup Ezekiel cereal with 4 oz water
1 tbsp flaxseed oil
TOTALS: 850 calories, 80 g protein, 100 g carbs, 17 g fat

11:30 PM: MEAL 6
1 packet meal-replacement powder
2 bananas
TOTALS: 480 calories, 42 g protein, 85 g carbs, 3 g fat

1:30 AM: MEAL 7
2 In-N-Out Burger 4x4 burgers with 1 slice of cheese each, no salt, grilled onions and ketchup only Fries, well done, no salt
Small lemonade
TOTALS: 1,980 calories, 105 g protein, 172 g carbs, 90 g fat

One-Day Totals:

CALORIES  7,629
PROTEIN   575 g
CARBS     862 g
FAT       209 g

I get kind of horny just thinking about that much protein. Time to get eating kids.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

P.S. This video is marketing for MuscleTech but if you like watching boring shit, here you go: