Yea just… so… what the fuck. Guys, I don’t even… the physics don’t… Is it… ?reverse grip snatch?..Photoshop? .Hallucination? Dementia? Steroids? Fake plates? 7x Mr. Olympia? AHHHHHNOLD!
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
If you’ve never heard me say it, I’ll say it again: you can only curl in the squat rack if you are going to rep two plates or more. We are talking a 135 pound minimum…
CT Fletcher is allowed to curl in the squat rack. In fact, CT Fletcher is allowed to do whatever he wants really, because I sure as hell ain’t going to get in his way. I wasn’t even talking shit, but I still got scared when I was sitting on the couch blogging and he says, “what the fuck you gone do besides sit on the couch and talk shit? You hip-having ass, you punk poop butt motherfucker.” I am not entirely sure what his insult was, but it sounded like “punk poop butt motherfucker,” and it sounded fucking mean. Black people are so cool.
The man is a beast:
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That should give you an idea as to who CT Fletcher is, and if you don’t like it, than “fuck you.”
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
"I am smiling because you are about to watch me do more curls in one set then you have done in your lifetime.”
Check out this guy curling in the squat rack! What an asshole! Anybody who knows anything about something knows The Two Scoops Rule of Curling in The Squat Rack:
Though shalt not curl in the squat rack, unless thoust is curling 135+ lbs.
They have little barbell bars in 10lb increments over by the dumbbells for weak people, so unless you reppin’ 135, stay out the cage bro.
So who does this guy think he is, stepping into the squat rack to curl a 40lb axle bar for 10 reps?… OK 15 reps… 20? 30 reps… Why isn’t he stopping? 40 reps sweet Jesus man slow down you are going to hurt yourself 50 REPS WTF?!?!
OK… the craziest workout I have ever seen in Muscle & Fitness was called the “Century Lift” where you did 100 reps of an exercise, this guy must be doing that right? I should cheer him on, “Light weight baby!” 97… 98… 99… 100. NICE WORK BRO!
You said your name was Derek Poundstone? Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were still going… 130… 131… 132…
So you are one of the strongest men in the world you say? 167… 168… 169…
I take it your lack of response, and the fact that you just did 200 curls in a row, that you ARE one of the strongest men in the world? 201… 202… 203…
Should I come back later? 240… 241… 242…
You are a sick, sick asshole Poundstone, you know that? 288… 289… 290…
Do you feel the burn yet? 330… 331… 332…
Fuck you, Derek. 348… 349… 350.
Oh NOW you are done? Are you sure? Why not go for 400 reps, pussy. Thanks to you, some of us have been waiting in line for 10 minutes to use that cage you just monopolized. Was it really worth showing everyone in the world what a sick motherfucker you are? You make me want to go crawl into a hole and crasterbate for being so simultaneously turned on and humiliated from watching that video.
This has to be the most devastating thing you could possibly do to your arms. Complete and utter annihilation of the bicep. I’d be impressed if he could lift his shaker cup to his mouth after that set.
pound·stōn kûrlz. Noun.
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I have to try this. I’ll let you know how it goes.
-Tony “Too Many Curls” Muscoli
"20 minutes a day, 3 days a week, and you’ll have a body like Hochuli."
Ed Hochuli is quite possibly the most famous official in America. Why? Because he is huge.
Yes, he will make the occasional long-winded penalty explanation that will bring about a few laughs on SportsCenter, but nobody laughs at him for the real reason he is famous: his barrel chest and massif biceps.
It is as simple as that, there is no joke in this post, just: Get huge like Hochuli, get noticed. End of story.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
P.S. It’s nice watching a weekend of football with the real refs.
Curling in the Squat Rack is silly. That just isn’t what the squat rack was made for.
It doesn’t allow for proper form; you can see in the illustration above that the Skip has no room to follow through on his shot.
Lesson learned? Don’t curl in the squat rack.
…Unless you can can lift some heavy-ass weights. Because if you can curl more than most squat, then you can do whatever the fuck you want:
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
That video had that awkward feel to it, like when you ask a prude girl to talk dirty to you. “What Tony? You know that isn’t really my thing”
“Common girl, try it.”
”Uh, OK. Ooooh yea that feels good. Give me your penis.”
“Nevermind.”
Same awkward feeling feeling here. The shit Ginger was saying just wasn’t really doing it for me:
"Watch my Bi’s as they *ffff…* pump up."
But then I got a better look at this girl: the tit tattoo, her other videos and pictures online, and I realized that this girl has DEFINITELY talked dirty before. For sure she is a Champion Dirty Talker in the sack. Martin probably slaps you around a little and calls you a “bad little boy” as she is attaching a strap-on to her garter belt.
"I’m feeling the veins coursing through my bicep."
I present to you this photo as Exhibit A:
So much metaphor, so little time…
I just think it is really, really difficult to make your huge lady-muscles sound sexy, but I’ll give Ginger an ‘A’ for Effort.
"As I work them I feel them getting tighter."
This video of Ginger Martin doing curls kind of reminds me of that Pumping Iron clip where Arnold is talking about “The Pump.” The similarities are striking actually. Both Ginger and Arnold are making bicep curls overtly sexual, they are both ripped. The only difference is that standing next to Arnold would emasculate you, but standing next to Ginger would straight up make your dick smaller.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
My colleague Tony’s recent bro-gasm onto the small of Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson’s back struck up debate within the Two Scoops offices:
Discussion: Has Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson put on more size?
Answer: You bet your fucking ass he did.
I’m sure most of you TwoScoopers are asking yourselves… But T and J, how can such a monster of a man… The People’s Champ… THE Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment… The Tooth Fairy.. get MORE huger? I’m glad you asked, because the answer is quite simple really:
ATTITUDE.
Look at that attitude, and by attitude, I mean biceps.
The man, standing at 6’5, roughly 260lbs decided to lose the cocky smile and clean-cut hair, and replace it all with no-fucking-nonsense. He woke up one day, looked in his million dollar mirror and said, “No more Tooth Fairy. No more The Game Plan. I’m going to accept this role in Fast Five, shave my head, grow a badass goatee, put on another 50 lbs of muscle, and go make Vin Diesel look like a 12-year-old getting his first sack hair.
"Hey Mr. Diesel, I’m coming for your scrawny ass!"
"Don’t pout Vin, it’s not your fault I am massive."
Moral of the story Two Scoopers: Boots-to-Asses. There is no such thing as “Too Huge.”
-Joey “Juice” Vigaroni
This is an actual picture of my actual bicep veins:
Bitches love vascularity.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
What is this monster? You kidding me with those pipes bro? GIVE THEM TO ME. By the looks of it, you got a supplement in your hands there? What is it? TELL ME NOW! I need to put two scoops of whatever-the-fuck-that-is into my face.
LaRon Landry has the “Hey Twitter, I am fucking huge" Game down. Sending shit like this out to the Tworld:
Note to self: Don’t fuck with LaRon Landry
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
For most guys, having a body like Dorian Yates did in 1985 is a dream. If you could walk around looking like that all the time, you would never wear a shirt and nobody would care that you didn’t. I mean, I am a meathead. We are all meatheads, but how many of us, guys and girls, can honestly say they find the 1995 Yates more desirable?… Unless you are a Mr. Olympia judge (Yates is a 6-time Mr. Olympia winner).
My question is, what switch has to go off in your brain to make you go from 1985 Yates, to 1995 Yates? What level of insane do you have to be to not stop lifting until you have triceps that could be mistaken for some small Mediterranean countries? What “supplements” do you have to take to get a bicep vein that looks like a crazy straw? How much do you have to eat to be 5’ 10”, 270lbs? Can somebody please explain to me what is physically happening inside his body to make his stomach that much bigger, without him gaining any body fat? And I am pretty fucking sure that somewhere in that decade, Dorian invented a new kind of shoulder muscle.
HGH is a hell of a hormone.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
