How have I never spotted this before? This is incredible. Do you people understand the significance of this cameo? It is a metaphorical passing of Brodin’s Torch from Ye Old King of Swole to the Prince of Pump.
It was only an 8 second clip but I feel as though I have just witnessed a cinematic changing of the guard. I feel inspired, so full of passion, and honor.
All Arnold Schwarzenegger said to The Rock was, “haff fun," but we all knew what he meant:
"Have fun Sir Dwayne. Enjoy your fame. Embrace your throne as The World’s Most Popular Meathead, just as I was before you. For as I was once the most masculine of men in all the Universe, you now may take that stage. You, Dwayne “The Rock" Johnson, have now earned your title as The Most Electrifying Man in Entertainment, and you hath earned all the respect and responsibilities set forth as such. You are strong, you are capable, and you are huge. You shall do well. Have fun."
You all have witnessed something great here today. You shall never forget where you were at this very moment. You shall never forget the first time you saw Arnold’s cameo in The Rundown with Sean William Scott.
Pain & Gain was, how do I put this, unexpectedly entertaining. Not that I didn’t expect a movie with Mark Wahlberg and The Rock to be entertaining, because I did, but it wasn’t entertaining in the way I had expected, hence “unexpectedly entertaining."
It was trailers like this that made me think this movie was going to be all tits, ass, ass-kicking, and meathead jokes.
…It was Pain & Gain commercials like that that made me think this movie was going to be all titties, ass, ass-kicking, and meathead jokes.
Pain & Gain was NOT all tits, ass, ass-kicking, and meathead jokes. That being said..
There were tits.
Bar Paly is smokin’ hot.
There was ass…
There was ass-kicking…
And there were meathead jokes…
Because a black guy and a Somoan go tanning.
But Pain & Gain wasn’t intended to be a comedy. It was an artist’s depiction of true life events, and the true story of Daniel Lugo and Adrian Doorbal is fuuuuuuuccckked up.
Pain & Gain is a true story about a gang of bodybuilding kidnappers with a penchant for cash, cocaine, strippers, and steroids. It is a surreal tale of some seriously stupid people, and quite honestly it was a bit off-putting knowing that this movie would only perpetuate the meathead stereotype.
I mean, these guys were supremely idiotic, but they get away with it for the better part of a year. There is one scene where The Rock’s character is grilling human hands to “burn off the fingerprints."
It was at this point that text flashed across the screen reminding the audience that yes, “THIS IS STILL A TRUE STORY."
And almost as unbelievable was the actual story itself, was the size of Dwayne Johnson.
The Rock got so big for this movie that I was kind of scared…
Also maybe a little bit turned on…
As entertaining as The Rock’s size was, so was his character. Dwayne was playing Carl Weekes, a very interesting person whose stupidity is accentuated in two very different forms.
There is the born-again Christian Carl Weekes: fresh out of prison, sporting “I Am On Team Jesus" T-shirts, and preaching a new, sober, I-have-been-saved outlook on life. A character as ridiculous as only monstrous The Rock could portray:
And there was the cocaine fueled megatard Carl Weekes, as only The Rock could portray:
TL;DR Review of Pain & Gain
Mark Wahlberg got pretty beefy for this flick. Bar Paly is smokin’ hot. All-in-all, the outlandishly surreal (and gruesome) actual events that fueled the plot and storyline overpowered the gratuitous T&A and meathead comedy that my Two Scooping brain so desperately craved. And everything was overpowered by the shear magnitude of Dwayne “The Rock" Johnson.
Pain & Gain Interview - The Rock (a.k.a. Dwayne Johnson):
Is it April 26th yet?! I am going to take a half day on Friday to catch the matinée showing. In the meantime, I’ll just watch the Pain & Gain trailer on repeat to appease my ‘roid rage..
Two Scoops is starring Elise and Electra Avellan as “Ice cream scoopers by day. Danger seekers by night."
As part of Project Green Screen, director Robert Rodriquez is working with his fans in order to find the final cut to his short film Two Scoops. There are some unfinished scenes in the movie, and Rodriguez will use crowdsourced ideas, images, and footage to complete his film.
I don’t know what is happening here, but I suppose I should have seen this coming. Ever since we started Two Scoops Get Huge 3 years ago, people have been trying to capitalize on the strength and ingenuity of our namesake.
It is always people trying to hide behind the innocence of ice cream. Just the other day some asshole opened up an ice cream parlor called “Three Scoops" down the block from me, and now this: some dingus making a Two Scoops short film is going to try to steal all my internet thunder. But you know what, I am OK with it. I take it as a compliment. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and I think that we should all help this guy out in making his film.
TWEET YOUR IDEAS
For Act 2, they need “a creative genius with just a hint of madness. Watch Act 2 below and you’ll see a villain-slaying weapon, still partially in green screen. Tweet your wackiest ideas for what the weapon does, and you could help shape the story."
Get your tweets to @Rodriguez by 5pm GMT on Wednesday 10th April. Make sure you tag them #KeepMoving"
Two Scoopers, send in your ideas to @Rodriquez, I’ll get the ball rolling:
The new Pain & Gain “Red Band" Trailer came out yesterday and I am even MORE excited to see this movie after watching it. It’s got everything: Marky Mark, The Rock, midgets, fat bitches, nunchucks, karate suits, tazers, ass & titties, fast cars, and cold hard cash.
Enjoy:
"It’s called pain and gain Russ, don’t be a little bitch!"
Pair Mark Wahlberg and The Rock up as a couple of idiot bodybuilders in Miami who get caught up in extortion and kidnapping that goes all bad, and what do you get? What is most likely Michael Bay’s most awesomest film to date:
PAIN & GAIN - Official Trailer (2013)
OH HELLLLLL YES.
I got chills watching that trailer. I have goosebumps. I have a boner. No… I have TWO boners. I am beside myself with joy. At this very moment, I am currently experiencing: happiness, joy, elation, anticipation, euphoria, jubilance, omniscience, and orgasms.
I’ve been following you guys for a little while and this site is by far one of my favorite in the entire internet. I’ve been working out regularly for almost 5 years and I’ve got next to nothing to show for it because I’m an ectomorph. I’ve tried low-rep, high-weight lifting; different supplements; everything. Nothing seems to work. Is there any advice you can give me?
- lachenauer
As a matter of fucking fact lachenauer, there is some advice I can give you. We don’t call this glorious website “Two Scoops Get Huge" for nothing.
First off, let me quickly diagram what an ectomorph is, for those readers who don’t know:
An ectomorph is your typical skinny guy. Ecto’s have a light build with small joints and lean muscle. Usually ectomorph’s have long thin limbs with stringy muscles. Shoulders tend to be thin with little width.
Typical traits of an ectomorph:
Thin, “delicate” frame and bone structure
Flat chest
Small shoulders
Lean muscle mass
Finds it hard to gain weight
Fast metabolism
Now that we have established that you are skinny, it’s time to get you HUGE.
No More Scrawny
What is the major difference in diet between fat people and skinny people? Big people and little people?
FOOD.
Simply put: bigger people eat more food. It makes sense doesn’t it? You need fuel to grow, so if you eat more food, you grow more. Just take a look at The Rock’s cheat meal from last month:
After over 100 days of eating clean, The Rock ate a cheat meal consisting of 12 pancakes, four “double-dough" pizzas, and 21 brownies.
Obviously, The Rock doesn’t eat from this diabetes-inducing menu every day, but it gives you an idea as to the shear volume he consumes.
What to Eat
You can’t just eat 21 brownies a day and expect to get huge. You might get a little flabby, but not HUGE. We are trying to pack on some muscle here, don’t waste your stomach space on empty calories. We want to eat what the body can use: protein, carbs, and fats (take a multi if you want “vitamins").
Most specifically what you need is protein - lots, and lots, of protein. Approximately 1 Metric Dickton of protein a day. Here is your shopping list next time you go to the grocery store/GNC:
Whey Protein Powder
Casein Protein Powder
Chicken
Steak
Tuna
Whole Milk
Eggs
Greek Yogurt/Cottage Cheese (whichever you prefer)
Carbs (rice, pasta, vegetables, etc.)
Anabolic Steroids
.
When to Eat
Eat ALL THE TIME. As an Ectomorph, your metabolism is probably chewing through your caloric intake like a wood-chipper being fed kindling. You need to FEED THE BEAST. Here is a schedule for the day:
Upon Waking: drink a whey protein shake (two scoops in whole milk). You have been sleeping for 8 hours, your body is fasted, it is hungry… feed it.
All Day: You see that shopping list I made for you? Cook it. Grill up that steak, bake the chicken, hard-boil the eggs, open the cans of tuna, and cook your rice. Season to taste. Then put all those delicious calories into a garbage bag. Hire somebody like a personal trainer, or a call girl, or a midget to follow you around with the garbage bag full of food, and have them shove food into your mouth throughout the day.
I pay this chick $50/hour to shovel calories into my face.
Nightime: This is important, you are about to fast for 8 hours while you sleep, so you need to fuel up. Every night when I come home from the gym, I (roughly) follow this grueling evening eating schedule:
8:00pm: Whey Protein Shake - two scoops in whole milk, 60g protein.
9:00pm: Dinner #1 - Meat, 8oz Steak and maybe a vegetable, 60g protein.
10:00pm: Dinner #2 - Meat, 6oz Chicken Breast with rice, 50g protein.
10:59pm: Get weeded up on the pot (having the munchies is almost essential to the next phase of consumption).
11:00pm: Snacktime - 2lbs Greek Yogurt, 92g protein. (Warning: This step is not for beginners! Your stomach asshole will NOT thank you in the morning)
Right before bed: Casein Protein Shake - Casein is a slow digesting protein, so consuming this right before bed will help you avoid muscle catabolism (breakdown) whilst you rest.
.
Hopefully that gives you an idea for how much you need to be eating every day. Actor Chris Hemsworth is a naturally skinny guy, so when he was bulking up for his roll in Thor, he was eating upwards of 6,000 calories a day.
Before:
After:
Now that we have upped your calories, up the intensity in the gym. We’ll talk about that in:
How to Get Big: From Scrawny to Brawny - Part 2 (coming soon…)
Why does The Rock do EVERYTHING better than small people? I don’t get it, how can one man be so proficient in every thing that he does? The Rock is so fucking hawesome (huge + awesome = hawesome), that The Hulk dressed up as him for Halloween. Dwayne J. also has a bodybuilding movie, Pain & Gain, premiering in April 2013 that will surely sweep at the Academy Awards (through judge intimidation). He can do no wrong.
Not to mention the fact that the average human would take months, maybe even years, to grow facial hair this robust. Yet, The Rock exudes so much excess testosterone, that he single-handedly defeated prostate cancer with nothing more than his Movember Moustache.
Now go support your comrades’ faces at Movember.com.
Two Scoops. Get Huge. End of Story. You think you know how to be a meathead? Nope. You don't. You are small. You are weak. But we can help. So sit down, read up, and get ready for a hot beef injection.
