I got a hunger boner when I saw this menu. I would be Mega Swole ERRY DAY if I lived near this place. Too bad LoCal’s Healthy Joint is in Texas.
Field trip to Houston? My balls aren’t sweating enough up here in New England.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
You know why Easter is so awesome? Eggs. Shit ton of them too. So much fucking protein on this holiday. Back in the day, Easter egg hunts were all about finding hard boiled eggs that Moms had so diligently painted all kinds of pastel. Now, Easter egg hunts are about finding little plastic eggs full of candy. Well guess what, not in my fucking house, not at my Easter party. I hard boil 20 dozen eggs, paint them all camo and hide them throughout the back yard. Kids aren’t allowed to eat for 3 days leading up to Easter, so those little rugrats are practically foaming at the mouth, or dead.
And on the 3rd day, Easter Sunday, I move the bench rack out into the lawn and we have a bench-off. Kids who throw up the most weight get to go egg hunting first. And all the little kids who come to MY Easter party know how important protein is - kids aren’t even allowed past the bouncers if they can’t tell me the difference between Whey and Casein.
I start out with like 20 starving kids sitting in mini-hunger comas out on the back lawn, and by the end I have 20 ravenous infants running around trying to find Easter eggs to SURVIVE… not just to get a goddamn sugar rush. And once those kids find their first egg and get a taste of that sweet, sweet chicken poop, it is like they have been resurrected, and they are on the hunt with a new fervor that can only be found in a Two Scooper child.
That is how you do a mother fucking Easter egg hunt, none of that Peter Cottontail BS.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
This is a repost of last year’s, Happy Easter Egg Hunting. Yes, I was too lazy to write something new, but nobody fucking read this last year and nobody will read it again this year.
