You know why this holiday is so awesome? Eggs. Shit ton of them too. So much fucking protein on this holiday. Back in the day, Easter egg hunts were all about finding hard boiled eggs that Moms had so diligently painted all kinds of pastel. Now, Easter egg hunts are about finding little plastic eggs full of candy. Well guess what, not in my fucking house, not at my Easter party. I hard boil 20 dozen eggs, paint them all camo and hide them throughout the back yard. Kids aren’t allowed to eat for 3 days leading up to Easter so those little rugrats are practically dead.
And on the 3rd day, Easter Sunday, I move the bench rack out into the lawn and we have a bench-off. Kids who throw up the most weight get to go egg hunting first. And all the little kids who come to MY Easter party know how important protein is - kids aren’t even allowed past the bouncers if they can’t tell me the difference between Whey and Casein.
I started out with like 20 starving kids sitting in mini-hunger comas out on the back lawn, and now I have 20 ravenous infants running around trying to find Easter eggs to SURVIVE… not just to get a goddamn sugar rush. And once those kids find their first egg and get a taste of that sweet, sweet chicken poop, it is like they have been resurrected, and they are on the hunt with a new fervor that can only be found in a Two Scooper child.
That is how you do a mother fucking Easter egg hunt, none of that Peter Cottontail BS.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
