Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Effective October 1st, absolutely NO deadlifting will be allowed, per Planet Fitness corporate regulations.

What’s next Planet Fitness? “NO Weightlifting will be allowed, ONLY Cardio.” I think I just vomited, a lot, onto my keyword, at the thought of a place like that. I bet all the walls and equipment would be colored something really fruity like yellow and purple. Come to think of it, a place that didn’t have free weights, was decorated like a Chucky Cheese ball pit, and whose clientele consisted entirely of fat girls and scrawny guys, would look a lot like a fucking PLANET FITNESS.

If you haven’t cancelled your Planet Fitness membership yet, get off this site. I don’t even want you here. I don’t. I’m not even going to apologize for it.

I don’t care how convenient the location is for you, what’s the point if Planet Fitness doesn’t even let you pick things up and put them down?

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

When most people see this picture they are going to think, “wow, what a beast!”… or something along those lines. But here at Two Scoops we think outside the box, beyond the obvious, we like to find true bodybuilding insight where others see none, and when I look at this picture, all I can think is, “that guy’s outfit is the fucking tits.”

This man, is the epitome of proper deadlifting attire. Just check out the Skin-to-Singlet ratio this guy has going on; marvel at its ingenuity. 3/4ths of this guy’s uni is comprised entirely of straps! He is basically shirtless… but he isn’t. What a brilliant asshole.

Next time you see ol’ Tony in the gym, lookout for one of these singlets, cause I’m fucking getting one.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Reader Email:

Dear Tony,

Keep up the great work!

-Ogre [Temple University]

Spot on Ogre. Spot on. When you go into the gym, you rack it, and you let people know you are racking it. Bounce plates are fine in my book, just make sure you test their bounce. If you are deadlifting, always - ALWAYS drop the bar on your last set. If you can, give it a good downward shove to make it really pop off. Do not go quietly.

YOU HEAR ME TEMPLE UNIVERSITY MEATHEADS? Sack the fuck up, and make some noise. When the football team comes into the weight room, do they put on sleeves and fruity little finger shoes and tip toe down to the squat racks before whispering words of encouragement at their teammates doing bosu ball balance exercises? NO THEY FUCKING DO NOT. They wear no sleeves, or if they are wearing sleeves, it is cause they are spray painted on Under Armor. They do not wear ditsy little barefoot shoes. When they enter the gym, they are getting hyphy with it - shouting and punching walls and shit. And when they deadlift, they put on all the fucking plates, pick up the bar, slam it down, and repeat until everybody in the gym is staring is respectful awe. The football team does not have to be the biggest bunch of meatheads at your, or any, school, YOU can be the biggest meathead at your school. Each and every one of you.

So rip your sleeves off, drop your weights, grunt, and set off every lunk alarm you can. You got that shit Temple?