Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Check out this stiff, proclaiming that people shouldn’t feel “forced to go to the gym because of today’s idea of what’s a good body."

Listen Swift, being shredded isn’t “today’s idea of what’s a good body," it is nature’s idea of what is a good body. Being shredded is evolution’s idea of a good body, it is God’s idea of what is a good body. Being shredded IS a good body.

Today’s idea of what is a good body didn’t come about because Arnold made bodybuilding mainstream in the 1970’s. Today’s idea of a good body didn’t come about because Brad Pitt had abs in Fight Club. Today’s idea of a good body didn’t come about from supplement company marketing cmapaigns. Today’s idea of a good body comes from our primal instinct to be the biggest, baddest boy in the jungle.

Evidence That Humans Should Be Shredded by Nature

Do you think Tarzan would have been happy being a fat ass, rolling around on the jungle floor getting eaten by fire ants and snakes and shit? No, he was happy being a shredded monkey cunt swinging from the trees and impregnating Jane to make the manchild Korak.

Today’s idea of good body? Edgar Burroughs wrote Tarzan of the Apes in 1912.

Do you think Michelangelo would have been happy if he had carved David into a fatass?

No. The Statue of David is statuesque because David is cut up:

Today’s idea of a good body? The Statue of David was carved in 1504.

Do you think Greek Gods were ever thought to be out of shape?
Do you think Zues was ever portrayed as a pear shaped amoeba? No.
Do you think Ares, God of War, was a scrawny little Joffrey fucker? No.
Check out this statue of Herakles, son of Zues:

Herakles took his two scoops for sure.

Today’s idea of a good body? Lysippos created the original version of the statue in the 4th Century B.C.E.

Do you think ancient Egyptians idealized un-shredded deities? No.
Check out the V-taper on the Hawk-Man-God:

Today’s idea of a good body? Ancient Egyptian craftsmen first began to create wall paintings and use hieroglyphic symbols around 3500 B.C.E.

Forced to Go to The Gym

We don’t feel forced to go to the gym for an hour a day because of societal pressures to look fit. We should feel forced to go to the gym for an hour a day because, as a species, we were are designed to spend our days outside hunting and gathering shit. Instead, we spend our days staring at a computer, blogging about how we shouldn’t be spending our days staring at a computer.

So that feeling of being “forced" to go work out, is your lazy ass trying desperately to hang on to the tiny shred of primal instinct it has left.

Happy with Life = Being Shredded

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

(Source: shreddingdonna)

Bournemouth, UK - Fitness fanatics were left with palpitations when a car ploughed through the front window of their gym as they worked out. Members of Pure Gym, in Bournemouth, were stunned to see a silver Toyota Celica smash through the window. No-one was hurt and two women who were in the car fled. A witness said two men continued their workout despite the smash.

Pure Gym Car Crash - Bournemouth, UK

I am not a particularly religious man, but I think that God is trying to say something by sending this car directly into the Ellipticals.

What are the odds the gym was crowded that day and these two guys paid the chicks to crash the car into the gym as a distraction so they could claim a bench for themselves? I wouldn’t put it past me.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

On nice summer days, it can be tough to walk from the fresh air and warm, tan-inducing, Vitamin-D supplementing rays of sunshine, into the body-odorous din of the gym.

It makes you long for Muscle Beach in Venice, CA and the 300 days of sunshine it sees each year. And there are so many reasons to get a good outdoor workout in besides just being outside, the most important of which being you get to workout with your shirt off.

Muscle Beach is widely known as The Home of The Fitness Revolution in the US.
…Also as the place where you can workout half naked.

Let’s face it, if you could stare at yourself in the mirror every single day, shirtless doing Alternating Dumbbell Curls, you would.

What should really turn you on about an outdoor workout, is that you can enjoy all the smug glory of letting other people stare at your incredible physique while you workout shirtless, but with none of the stigma of being that guy doing push-ups at the beach -and you get a tan. Everybody wins!

Look how jacked up Arnold and Franco are about their outdoor workout.

The real issue is that not everybody has a Muscle Beach they can go to when the weather is nice. That is why the ParCourse FitCenter was developed. It has pull-up bars, decline sit-up benches, dip stations, horizontal row bars - everything you need for a successful body-weight workout.

You have to be careful, mind you. Doing body-weight exercises every day might actually make you look and feel, dare I say it, athletic. However, a body-weight circuit once every couple days is a good way to add some variety to your Get Huge Routine.

Outdoor Workouts are Great for Sunshine and Showing Off

I woke up on Saturday after having completed my 5-day split:

Day 1: Chest
Day 2: Biceps
Day 3: Chest
Day 4: Biceps
Day 5: Chest

Saturday, Day 6, is my rest day, but I was still thirsty for more. I wasn’t sore from my week’s workouts and I wasn’t too hungover from the night before because I was still drunk.

I slammed 2 scoops of pre-workout and hopped on my bike to the gym (don’t worry, I was doing more rolling than actual pedaling, God forbid I actually got a cardio workout in) to sneak in an Arm Day. But as I was riding, the sunshine got the best of me. It was too nice out, and I’d be damned if I lost valuable tanning hours to a Rest Day workout.

ParCourse FitCenter on the Esplanade in Boston, MA

I changed course and headed for the ParCourse FitCenter on the Esplanade in Boston. My main goal was to rip my shirt off and blast some appropriately named Muscle-Ups in front of all the losers going for a jog along the Charles River.

Mission Accomplished.

I wasn’t the only one either:

Tim from RI doing Wide-Grip Pull-Ups at a ParCourse FitCenter in Boston

This is Tim from Rhode Island, who took the time to get tan & swole, even while he was only in Boston for a few days visiting friends.

Tim has the right idea: following the old Two Scoops mantra “Sun’s Out, Shirts Off," working up a bronze, blasting lats, taking in the view, and showing off for the hot brunette who had just jogged out of frame.

Your Turn

Look up some outdoor fitness options in your area, take off your shirt, and get your fucking pump on. Or in the least, rip a couple of sets of push-ups and flex your pecs at every hot babe that goes by.

Sun’s Out, Shirts Off

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

Mr. ███████ is welcome at my gym anytime. I am just so goddamned proud of this man, and so jealous at the same time. Mr. ███████, I hope you someday find your way to TwoScoops, you are truly an inspiration to us all and we will welcome you with open arms.

"When Mr. ███████ was confronted by staff, he reportedly told the staff member, "Ain’t No thing but a chicken Wing," refusing to comply with staff requests. We are unsure of the meaning of Mr. ███████’s statements but believe them to be of a threatening nature."

If this notice wasn’t from the “Prairie Winds Community Center," I would swear that Mr. ███████ was Mr. Coleman himself.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

I really hope that the actual name of the gym is “GYM."

Tired of being SMALL & WEAK?

GET HUGE

www.TwoScoopsGetHuge.com

So much Xploding. So little spell check.

-Tony

#GETATME

-Tony

whatshouldwecallme:

This blog blew up recently. I finally found it relevant.