I knew this day would come. I have dreaded it for months now.
I am not huge.
There, I said it. Fuck you. Leave me alone. Three months ago I busted my knee doing a superset of hack squats and power lunges. Complete destruction. Had surgery on it a month ago and the healing has begun (it is going well, thanks for asking), but the fact remains that 3 months of inactivity has resulted in maximum muscle atrophy. The physical therapist looked at my quad this morning and said, “wow, it is amazing how little muscle there is.” That is verbatim, I shit you not. I know I just had major reconstructive surgery, but still - do you understand how this makes me feel? Do you know what this does to my self confidence? She might as well have just said, “nice skirt vaginaface” and kicked me in the balls - would have had the same effect.
Now, can I be honest, REALLY fucking honest here? Über honest? The physical therapist took my quad measurement to see how much I had atrophied… 6cm above the top of the knee cap, my quad measured 43.5cm in circumference. Fuck me. I almost threw up. My super smoking hot girlfriend laughs when I wear shorts. I cry when I look in the mirror. Not only does my knee look all weird and swollen, but it is only 43.5cm around. For you Americans that is 17.1 inches. At one point before my surgery, my bicep was bigger than my quad is now. Do you know how disgusting that is? I am all for beach muscles, 100% for them, but your quad should NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER be even close to the size of your bicep. That is why I am changing the game.
After months of bicep concentration (Gratuitous Amounts of Bicep, Why I Only Lift Arms, Big Arms Equals Big Hops, Legit Biceps = Legit Babes, etc.) I, personally, am going to by the new mantra:
“The Quad is the new Bicep.”
This is what my legs will look like.
I am just starting to walk again now, and I can single leg press 40lbs on my bad leg. I have a long way to go, but when I am done I vow to have fucking massif legs - twice the size they are now. Never again shall I skip a legs day and do curls instead. Join me Two Scoopers, and together we will be able to donkey kick the fuck out of chicken legged gym rats everywhere…
…or not. I can do way more pull ups now that I don’t have all that troublesome leg muscle.
-Tony “Too Honest” Muscoli
