A Recent Submission to Two Scoops:
“Two Scoopers, I did it. Got an inside look at Planet Fitness this morning. Burst through the front door like a boss. ”Do you have ID?” asked the state school sorority sister at the front desk, all hair and fingernails. My face went hot and I made a kind of garbled noise, mostly from my throat. Busted. I took off toward the area marked “Free Weights” and kicked in the door. Benches? Dumbells? Barbells? Mirrors? None of the above. But there were Dildos. Glass Dildos. And a few dozen yoga mats. I vomited, off-white and completely liquid. Raced home to replace 60 grams of senselessly wasted protein and immediately began writing this e-mail.
They must be stopped.
-Raymond”
“Raymond” (which I assume is your spy name), you have done society a great service. Take from this what you will, Two Scoops Nation, because I’m not quite sure if any of that was true, and this whole glass dildo thing is making me feel sick.
-Dudley “Stacks” Rodman
