Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Fact. Here are some prime locations for those of you who are new at this.

Top 5 Places to Run Past Girls with Your Shirt Off

1. Beach
   Everybody already has their shirt off, which dilutes your half-nakedness, but on the upside there are a lot of half-naked women as well. Plus, nobody RUNS along the beach in the middle of the day, so you will still stick out. BE THAT GUY.
   
   
2. Next to bodies of water (other than the ocean)
   Assuming it is accommodating terrain, go for a jog along a river, lakeshore, or around a pond. Bitches love running in pretty places. Water is pretty. Therefore, bitches.
   
   
3. College Campuses
   This is pretty self explanatory. All those coeds out on the quad in their sundresses and tank tops and shit? …too easy. When you run through a college campus with your shirt off, all the dudes are wondering, “who is this asshole.” Meanwhile, and this is the important part, all the girls are checking you out, and if you are lucky enough to talk to one of these broads, the conversation goes something like this:
   

   “Oh so wait, you don’t go to school here?
   (read: so you won’t gossip about me if we bang)
   And you are huge and ripped?
   And you have a job and a car?!
   Want to see my dorm room?”

4. Parks
   Girls like to run around scenery, so if they aren’t next to water, they will do the next best thing: parks.
   
   
5. Treadmill
   This one is risky because, apparently, working out inside the gym with your shirt off is frowned upon. However, if the need arises to run next to, or across from, a smokin’ hot babe, then you got to do what you got to do. It won’t not get you noticed, that’s for sure.

Hey, can I interest you in a less-than-subtle head turn as I burn past you?
Actually on second thought, I’ll just let you stay up front and set the pace.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

KILL IT! BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!

(Source: strongangels)

In an attempt to stay informed/find new material/have pictures of chicks show up on my computer screen, I follow a number of blogs regarding women’s fitness. It can be real hit or miss. The line between a gorgeous body and a gross body is blurred in ways I hadn’t previously thought possible. Check out this chick for example:

You can dig that right? But then I’ll get sent pictures like the one below with a caption like, “nice abs!” And I’m sitting there thinking, “whaddafuckahyatalkginabow?” Nothing is attractive about a women with ab veins. NOTHING. As is, this girl’s face is in need of assistance. Like, she is on her way to being an acceptable member of my B list if she could get a body to match, but I could just never look up too see a set of abs like that and not choke on my own vomit.

So I think I’ll try and post one of these every once in a while and let you decide, are these fitness chicks sexy or scary? Do you make her turn around, or do you turn and run? Do you feed her fresh fruit off the vine, or do you check for an Adam’s apple? Does she give you head, or does she give you a spot? Hammer her, or Hammer Curls? Deep throat, or deep squats? Bent over a table, or bent-over rows?

You get the point.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli