Bro how shredded are you going to get for Ultra?
I’m going to get so fucking shredded. Insanely shredded. Ultra shredded. Shredded like the lettuce in the salads I don’t eat. Sly in Rambo 2 shredded. Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder shredded. Firesale at Iron Mountain shredded.
I’m going to get so tight you can see ab striations. I’m not going to drink water for days. It’s going to look like somebody spray painted my epidermis onto my pectorals. Even my penis will look tight. The skin will have that boner-stretched look, even when it’s flaccid.
I’m going to look harder than the tree that girl sexed at last year’s Ultra:
Video for those interested.
In the month leading up to UMF, I’m going to eat nothing but cardio and egg whites. I’ve already stocked up on a 1 year supply of Hydroxycut Hardcore that should last me the month.
Is there such a thing as negative body fat? If your answer is “no,” then you need to see me at Ultra. Shredded.
I’m going to get more fucking cut than this old man:
I’m telling you guys, I’m going to be so cut up for Ultra. Chicks are going to want to grind my quads. Have you ever seen my calf muscle? Neither have I… until ULTRA! Shredded. I’m even going to shave my legs so you can see my calf in high definition. I am not going to shave my whole leg though, I’m not a chick. I am just going to shave out little windows on my calves.
I’m going to get so cut, so shredded, so inhumanly dehydrated, that any hit of Ecstasy would cause immediate cardiac arrest. I’m going to rage 16 hours a day, for 3 days straight, on testosterone alone.
I’m going to get so shredded.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
