At Pepperdine University’s Midnight Madness, gaurd Keion Bell dunked over 7 people. Here is the awesome footage:
Pepperdine’s Keion Bell Dunks Over Seven People @ Yahoo! Video
So you are all wondering how he did that. Please take a Two Scoops Quiz:
How did Keion Bell dunk over 7 people?
- He is black
- He has diesel calf muscles
- He practices hard every day to excel at his sport
- Biceps
If you guessed, “he is black,” that is a good guess, but it is a racist guess. Just because white people can’t jump, doesn’t mean all black people can. For the record though, they can.
If you guessed “diesel calf muscles,” you would be wrong again. This is because what you do in the weight room shouldn’t translate into functional strength or athleticism. You do seated calf raises so that you can you look awesome throwing 4 plates on the machine, not so you can do something as trivial as jumping.
If you guessed, “practice,” then you obviously spent too much time working your fancy footwork in the ladder and not enough time getting swollen in your high school glory days. You are the person who, now that you don’t have a sport to play, likes to “cross train” at the gym. You know, mix it up a little. Go for a bike ride today, maybe do some biometrics and a few situps tomorrow. Take that yoga class on Wednesday. Clean the sand out of your vagina on Thursday. Practice doesn’t make perfect. Answer #4 makes perfect. Read on shitstain.
If you guessed answer #4, “biceps,” then you are, of course, correct. Biceps are what did this, no way around it. Watch the post dunk celebration. Does he flex his calves? Does he point to his skin color? Does he thank the kids or his teammates for all the hard work they put in helping him practice? No. He takes everybody to the gun show. Front row seats. Two Scoops and lovin’ it. Freeze frame that shit:
Ok that is more attention than I ever wanted to give to Basketball. I promise to focus back up on real man sports like rugby, fight football, mixed martial arts, boxing, full contact chinese checkers, bodybuilding and power lifting.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
