I assume this is Crossfit. Only Crossfitters have the gall to leave their fucking baby strapped to their chest whilst doing a clean and jerk.
Who is impressed by this? Certainly not the baby. I assume only his bat-shit crazy CrossFriends told him this would be cool, because any real friend would tell him: LEAVE YOUR BABY AT HOME. If you can’t afford day care, and you are afraid of your baby running around the weight room, put a stake in the ground and tie your baby up to it. It may sound inhumane, but it is still a better idea then having to wear a “Baby-on-Board” t-shirt while performing Olympic lifts.
Make Your Boy a Man:
If you want to instill the values of fitness upon your child, then you do it right. You put your baby in a bouncy chair, give him a shaker cup full of NitroTech and breast milk, and you make him watch you do Bicep Curls until he suckles down all 24oz of Grade A Whey. You combine this with positive reinforcement, and before you know it, your kid will bust out a few reps every time he picks a toy up off the ground.
Where most children see pumpkins, this mini-meathead sees Bent-Over Rows.
And if you are any good at parenting at all, your child’s toys will be barbells:
And that is how you make a boy into a man: Breast Milk and Bicep Curls.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
