July 2012 PumpUps Experiment
PumpUps.comprovides a supplement trial service. For a monthly fee of $10, you are sent a package of supplement samples: 6 different supplements for a total of 10-12 sample packs.
Last month I did a review of PumpUps.com as a service. This month, Tony is taking a look at what PumpUps.com had to offer in July’s shipment, and seeing how much of it he can consume in 24 hours.
Pump Ups Contents (July 2012)
NO3 Chrome
Description: Nitric Oxide Booster (capsules)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: N/A (don’t chew them, they are gross, but you can open the capsules and snort the powder if you cool like that)
Bullnox Androrush
Description: Pre-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1.5
Flavor: Fruit Punch
Six Nutrition Vitamins for Men
Description: Multi-vitamin (capsules)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: (they are capsules?)
Inner Armour Peak Anabolic Gainer
Description: Post-workout protein/carbs/creatine/BCAA. “Mass gainer.” (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1/4
Flavor: Chocolate
Purus Labs Muscle Marinade
Description: Pre/Intra-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Cherry Limeade
VPX NO Shotgun
Description: Pre-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Exotic Fruit
Now that I have all these supplements, it is time to get fucking swollen.
Pump Ups Supplement Trial Day:
Tony always say, “go big or go home,” so I went all out for this one.
Friday
1:00pm - Consume Six Nutrition Vitamins for Men with 12 oz. of water and a lunch consisting of 3 whole chickens. This vitamin supplement has ingredients to support Heart, Joint, Sex, Muscles, Mind, and Energy. After taking them, I immediately wanted to hit a new 1RM on Deadlift, run a marathon, take the SATs, and have sex with everything! I’m kidding. It is a multivitamin. Nothing happened.
5:00pm - Take NO3 Chrome and wash down with NO Shotgun mixed in 16oz. of water. Within 10 minutes I am feeling pretty good. Got a small buzz going, skin is starting to tingle, I feel uncomfortable sitting still, I should hit the gym.
5:30pm - Begin workout. Despite having already consumed a pre-workout, and the warning label’s claim that “one packet is all you need. DO NOT EXCEED MORE THAN ONE SERVING,” I mixed a packet of Muscle Marinade into a shaker cup to consume during my workout.
6:00pm - I am blazing through my Back portion of my Back & Biceps workout. Pre-workouts got me buzzing and the intra-workout Muscle Marinade is keeping my irregular heartbeat alive. I haven’t hit any PRs but I am putting up some good numbers on all my lifts and getting a pretty good fucking pump when I am doing it - my lats are so swollen that I keep knocking into people because I don’t know my own width.
6:10pm - I finish the end of my back workout with sets of pull-ups to failure. My bicep veins are looking crazy sexy at this point. If I was wearing sleeves, I would have ripped them off. Taking 3 Nitric Oxide products should by my new modus operandi. My biceps are so pumped after doing Back that I was contemplating not doing biceps while I finished off my shaker of Muscle Marinade. Then I stopped being a pussy. NEVER SKIP BICEPS.
6:30pm - 5x5 EZ Bar Curl. 3x8 Hammer Curls. 1 drop set of Alternating Dumbbell Curls. 2x12 High Cable Curls to see if I could get my arm to explode. And one set of flexing gratuitously in the mirror. Operation Arm Annihilation complete.
6:35pm - Consume Inner Armour Peak Anabolic Gainer in 16oz. of water. The cool thing about these PumpUps packs are that, for 3 or 4 days, I don’t have to remember to put powder in ziplock bags, I got the sample packs right there. The problem I had though, was that this sample pack of mass gainer was only 1/4 of a serving, so I feel completely cheated and I had to rush home to get a full Two Scoops serving of protein.
7:00pm - I am still waiting for some crazy bowel movements to hit me, but nothing yet. Could it be I’ve found a pre-workout cocktail that doesn’t make my intestines revolt?
8:00pm - Crazy bowel movements.
10:00pm - Begin drinking
10:28pm - BTFO
Saturday
9:00am - I wake up feeling not so sore (probably the awesome multivitamin), but I have an apocalyptic hangover, like somebody dropped a 25lb dumbbell on my temple. Attempts to counteract these effects include consuming my second packet of Muscle Marinade and chugging approximately a gallon of whole milk while watching Pumping Iron.
10:00am - I feel human again, although the Muscle Marinade is failing at Hangover reversal. So much for Muscle Marinade’s claim that “One packet is all you need. DO NOT EXCEED MORE THAN ONE SERVING,” cause one packet ain’t doing shit right now. What did we learn here? Take TWO SCOOPS. GET HUGE. END OF STORY. I take my packet of Bullnox straight to my face, and it tastes amazing (not joking, Bullnox really did taste good). I watch Sportscenter for a bit and head to the gym.
Total 24 Hour Pre-workout consumption:
- Muscle Marinade - 2 Servings
- NO Shotgun - 1 Serving
- Bullnox Androrush - 1.5 Servings
- NO3 Chrome - 1 Serving
- Six Multivitamin - 1 Serving (I count this because it has stimulants in it)
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I am not terribly impressed with this, and y’all shouldn’t be either. How do I expect people to call me The Internet’s Foremost Expert on Pre-Workout Supplement Abuse when I barely exceeded 3x the recommended serving amount for these supplements? Tony can do better. Tony will do better.
-Tony”Too Pumped Up” Muscoli
