These Tumblr questionnaires pop up in my feed all the time. They seem like a huge time-suck, but we figured we would give the people what they want. Again, we didn’t make these questions up, we just answered (some of) them:
1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli: Open, my clothes are too big to fit in otherwise.
Joey “Juice” Vigaroni: Closed, can’t have any broads coming over and smelling my dirty gym clothes.
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
Tony: Yes, this saves me money so I can buy more supplements.
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Tony: They start tucked in, but I flex in my sleep.
Joey: My sheets are usually balled up in the corner of my bed from taking broads to pound town.
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Tony: Yea sure:
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Tony: No, I rip them out with my huge muscles.
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Tony: Big Bear. I can see the headline now: “Big Bear Fights Bigger Man, and Loses!”
9: Do you always smile for pictures?
Tony: No, I flex.
10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Tony: People who use the squat rack to curl anything less than 135lbs.
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Tony: I count my steps when I am doing lunges, yes.
12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
Tony: Have you ever drank beer?
13: What about pooped in the woods?
Tony: Have you ever drank NO-Xplode?
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Tony: No, I crush them and snort them like a man.
16: How many people have you slept with this week?
Tony: I’ve fucked like over 6 bitches, but they are gone before I am actually asleep.
Joey: How many days are there in a week? THAT, multiplied by 2.
17: What size is your bed?
Joey: Fucking enormous.
Tony: Double King: Two Beds. Get Huge. End of Story.
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Joey: Without sleeves… yes.
Tony: Truth, you can wear almost anything without sleeves.
23: What do you drink with dinner?
Joey: Protein shake, 2 scoops obviously.
Tony: Yup, and don’t forget your creatine.
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Joey: I’d like to state the obvious, and say the amount of chicken I eat would be a frightening amount of nuggets.
Tony: So many nuggets…
25: What is your favorite food?
Tony: Supplements.
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Tony: Pumping Iron, Pumping Iron: Collector’s Edition, Ronnie Coleman: Relentless, The Marine, anything with Dwayne Johnson or Mark Wahlberg.
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Joey: I don’t kiss, I fuck.
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Joey: I’m discussing, with Tony, the idea of a Two Scoops calendar.
Tony: I am liking the idea of a Two Scoops calender.
33: Ever ran out of gas?
Joey: High protein diet, what do you think?
34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
Relevant: A Bodybuilder’s Lifestyle
35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Joey: Carton of eggs, protein shake, pack of oatmeal, Animal Pak.
Tony: Preach brother… preach.
37: Are you lazy?
Joey: Take 2 scoops of Jack3D and you tell me.
43: Are you stubborn?
Joey: I refuse to answer that.
46: Are you afraid of heights?
Tony: I am afraid of nothing, except for missing Chest day.
50: Ever used a gun?
Tony: I go to the gun show every-damn-day.
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Joey: Had some chick snap my Most Muscular last night.
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Tony: Yes, every time I get the pump, it is like the feeling of cumming.
59: Take a vitamin daily?
Joey: Daily? Let’s switch the unit of measurement to hourly, then yes.
Tony: Vitamins? Yea, sure,… vitamins…
62: What do you wear to bed?
Joey: Sleep naked.
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Tony: GNC
65: Nike or Adidas?
Tony: GNC
66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
Tony: GNC
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Tony: GNC
68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
Tony: No. Fuck you hipster Tumblr.
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Tony: Spotter.
71: Can you curl your tongue?
Tony: I can curl anything.
72: Ever won a spelling bee?
Joey: Absolutely not.
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Joey: The day I hit my squat max, I felt myself welling up, then I punched someone and slammed a shake.
77: Ever been in love?
Tony: With myself, yea.
Joey: With Tony, yea.
79: What was the last concert you saw?
Tony: Godsmack.
80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Tony: GNC
81: Tea or coffee?
Tony: GNC
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
Tony: GNC
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Joey: Yes, of course, am I fucking retarded?
85: Are you patient?
Tony: We already skipped 20 of these dumbshit questions, don’t tempt me.
86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
Tony: DJ.
Joey: Yea DJ, we trying to beat that beat up.
87: Ever won a contest?
Tony: Every Arm-Off I’ve ever competed in.
88: Ever have plastic surgery?
Joey: Don’t need it when you look this good.
96: Do you have kids?
Tony: That I know about?
97: Do you want kids?
Joey: That I know about?
98: Whats your favorite color?
Tony: Extreme Strawberry Whey
99: Do you miss anyone right now?
Joey: Jack LaLanne
Tony: I miss the time I wasted answering these stupid fucking questions.
