After my phenomenal Costco trip, I settled down to prepare a light meal consisting of a half dozen hard boiled eggs and handful of cottage cheese (and yes I scoop it with my hand, I can’t really think of a more efficient way to eat from a 3lb bucket of cottage cheese). This is my standard pre-workout snack. Protein preloading I call it, and if gives me epic gas which is great for clearing an area around your bench. Nobody comes over to ask, “can I work in?” I am so fucking smart.
Anyway, my buddy Slam calls me up and asks if I wanted to go to the gym, which is retarded cause he knows I am going to the fucking gym. It shouldn’t even be a question, but it gets worse. As we are walking in from the parking lot, I ask if he wants to start with bench press or if he wants to start with bench press. He replies, “I think I am going to run on the treadmill for a few miles first.” Goddamn it. Now this guy doesn’t come to the gym with me a lot so I cut him a break, but I told him that if he wanted to roll up to the gym with me, he better head straight for the fucking bench. I WILL NOT be seen with somebody who “runs on the treadmill for a few miles.” Also, a few miles? As in, more than one mile? Dude clearly hasn’t read the Two Scoops Guide to Going Running.
So I told him straight up, if you are going to pull this shit, you can just run your ass home too. Don’t you know cardio is for chicks? Cardio burns calories and it burns muscle, and you need both of those things for more muscle.
Guess what happened when we walked into the gym - ongoing renovations made half the cardio machines unavailable and there was actually a line of people waiting for treadmills. hahahahaha! I have never seen a line this long at a gym?! I looked at Slam with the biggest grin on my face. I didn’t say anything out loud but he knew exactly what I was thinking, the Gods have spoken, they don’t want you to do cardio. And by Gods I mean Tony Muscoli. And by “don’t want you to do cardio” I mean “wants you to do bench press.”
Moral of the story: Two Scoops knows best.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
